the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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