The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
