Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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