Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
