dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
