my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
