He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
