Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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