He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
