Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
