She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
