I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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