She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the day after is always just damage control
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
