i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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