Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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