My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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