there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
