boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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