I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
