I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry my hands just texted you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
