ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
