11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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