Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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