First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
