literally had 100 drinks last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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