He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Rumble strips road head = magical
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
