She's JV to your varsity
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
