I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
