There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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