Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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