shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
