yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
