I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Non-Jews are for practice
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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