take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
