so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
