I wish my penis had an off switch
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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