I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
