fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.