Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?