How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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