I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
