bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You took a bar mat shot.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
