I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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