Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
