I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
