Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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