i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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