Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
