My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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