Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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