You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
