I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
