I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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