Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize