The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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