she woke up with a sticky ear
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
