Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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