i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
