...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
