had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
