In the future we'll all be gay
I cockslap morals
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
