Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
