Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
