if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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